It’s December, the month of holiday spirit and preparation for the new chapters awaiting just beyond yonder come the new year. As I sit alone and reflect on this past year, I think to myself – You’ve made it! You’ve fuckin’ made it! Exactly what have I made? You ask. And what’s up with the blog title? You ask again. The answer to the first question is I made shit happen. The answer to the second is found at the end of this blog. Read it to find out! 😉
I happen to randomly check an old email I haven’t used for quite a few years in search of an old document I was seeking. I came across some emails from 2008 I had written to a friend of mine in which we shared back and forth our dreams and goals. I also came across an email sent to me from one of the facilitators from one of the shelters I had been speaking at in 2009 which she had shared with me positive feedback of my workshop I’d been holding there. I began to tear up as if I had opened up a Christmas present of joy and gratitude. Although much of my past is challenging to remember, I suddenly was filled with memories of everything it took for me to get to where I am now. The Helen who spoke in the emails from over 10 years ago, is still the same girl who went for big goals with a crazy amount of determination. Only difference is now, that girl has grown to be a powerful woman who is focused, empowered, and driven beyond belief to get to the next level.
Even the woman I was in January of 2018 is different from who I am as I write this. This year was crazy AF! I don’t know too many people who can say they self published their first book, went to jail, lead three successful retreats, totaled their car, had a concussion, went without a car for 2 months during the summer in over 100 degree weather, biked 14 miles a day to a full-time day job, created and lead a successful speaking engagement, launched two thriving businesses, created a successful Yoga Instagram Challenge with sponsors, struggled with grief from their brother’s death only 1 year prior, locked in three new successful retreats for 2019 — including ALASKA and MEXICO, celebrated her mother’s 60th birthday party with siblings and her mother’s biker crew, became the proud mother of an adult Air Force Airman, was surprisingly given $8,000 by an anonymous caller to become debt free, traveled all over the place with her new car, Chico, walked down a trail for the first time at the Grand Canyon (which was huge, being that she’s been there over 10x and never dared to step on a trail), spent my 2nd Thanksgiving in the middle of the beautiful open desert watching the sunset with Chico, music, and reflection, saw Tony Robbins for the 4th time, was severely sick with an auto immune attack for 8 months total out of the whole year, sold over 100 books and counting, hired a CPA and made some big boss babe moves, and still made time to date throughout the year hoping to find a lover and best friend for life; yet still remains single.
As I quick glance back to both 10 years ago and this past year, I realize even through all the suffering and sudden curve balls that Life can throw at you, I’ve remained consistent in three powerful ways:
Grateful – Over the last 10 years, every email I read had a high amount of gratitude in it. Even in the moments of complete darkness I found small amounts of tiny light to be thankful for. Even when I didn’t want to be thankful and complaining felt much more gratifying, especially when my ego was in high gear- I forced myself to be thankful about something. Even through physical and emotional pain, I gave thanks for the memories I was able to have of happier times and with physical strength. The times when I had no money, I gave thanks knowing it was totally going to flow through my hands once more as it has always done before. The times when I had no car, I would say to myself, “You have two feet, get to walkin, runnin’ or bikin’” and that’s what I did. Sometimes being grateful isn’t this feel good feeling but an action of what is most important in the moment that you know in your heart is truly good whether it be small or large. When my brother died, I sobbed in the arms of one of my closest friends and although my mind or heart didn’t feel grateful at the time, my body was in gratitude someone was there to hold me when I couldn’t physically hold myself up. Being grateful and humble creates a true Heaven on Earth.
Authentic – During this past year alone, almost daily, I’ve received messages from friends, social media followers, and past co-workers asking me for guidance and advice on ‘how to’ get started and reach their own goals. I’ve had many business friends suggest that I charge for this and get into coaching. Meh’ coaching is just not for me right now, maybe in the future. I have tons of amazing friends who I can refer for coaching when someone inquires. Some say I am “loosing” money but baby, I lost my brother, so losing money ain’t no thang to me. To my defense, I like cussing and enjoy my natural slang, therefore, I’d happily pass on being a professional coach for now but I am dabbling in mentoring. Right now, I love what I do and feel most free when I am speaking on stage, sharing in an intimate setting in my workshops and retreats, or hanging out with all different types of crowds being ME at all times. Being authentic also means keeping shit real with yourself despite what the industry or crowds you may be an influence too. For example, Yoga. I began writing my book before I knew what Yoga was, and come to find out, I’ve been practicing pranayama (breathe of life) my whole entire life! Also, I’ve come to realize, I like my ego. My ego likes me. We are a good team right now. Not my problem if someone’s ego is fucking up their life, doesn’t mean I have to reprehend my ego. Get off me brah’! Lego my Yego! And one last thing about authenticity: I may not have a ton of followers or a ton of likes, but I have Chico and we have the open road with sunrises and sunsets. I could be happy living on the road out of a suitcase traveling the world without anyone knowing my name. However, it’s because I know I was meant for a larger purpose – that keeps me in the game of business and making money to invest in the bigger picture. See, I’m not afraid to lose and I feel I’ve already won, this alone makes life light on my shoulders therefore making it easier to stay authentically wild, sexy, and free!
Forward Driven – I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, this ADHD is the bizzzom! The only time I am not thinking is when I am in my daily practice of meditation, prayer, ritual. Other than this, my brain is running marathons in my head. I’m constantly thinking about what can I do to get a step further? What can I learn right now? What can I hear that will empower or teach me something? I’m curious about the world, curious what I can do with this body and mind, and curious about the future. Just like I was in grade school, staring out of the window of the car while my siblings were fighting or when I was at home staring out of the window while Mom and Dad were screaming in the background, or when my ex would verbally tare me down, again- I stared out the window- VISUALIZING constantly what my life will be. I could see it, taste it, smell it, hear it as if it was already in existence. TODAY…I don’t have the background drama and I have programmed myself to visualize anywhere I am with any noise around. I am so determined, utilizing my past pain and suffering to fuel my emotional tank to drive me forward. We all know seasons change and I tell myself, “get ready, cause the storms always pass through and you’ve got to be equipped to handle it better than the last time.” I spend a lot of time in reflection and then utilize much from that time to create and design my future. I love creating new and random ideas, birthing them into reality somehow (like the title). I find the tools and resources to make it happen! I try and try and try over and over again. I don’t care how many times I’ve fallen and don’t spend too much time dwelling on the fall because frankly, I’m so programmed to keep moving forward that I forget about the pain and get back up. Some tell me that is a “bad thing” and some say it’s “not good” and I say to them, “You don’t pay my bills and you aren’t fixing the starving children dilemma, so don’t talk to me about bad or good until we make shit happen that helps fix both of these issues.” I want to help people from all over the world. This requires forward thinking, determination, and getting back up to go for it all over again and again. Who’s with me?
I hope by sharing my past year(s) reflection, you can see that dreams can come true despite the odds stacked against you! If you have enjoyed this blog, please leave us a comment below and share this link. If you haven’t already, please SUBSCRIBE to our Sexy Freedom Media Newsletter and follow us on Facebook, YouTube, and Instagram @SexyFreedomMedia
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